The short answer is: energy or what you sometimes call vibe.
While in Cape Town I normally have breakfast at least once at Mugg & Bean in Cavendish and I once again had a few meetings this past Saturday. While waiting to be seated I noticed the tall and stunning woman with the best white boots I have seen in a year. The most striking thing about her was her energy or aura or viba - take your pick. The rest her clothes were exceptionally well matches and she topped it off with a cute hat, also white. She was about 1.7m+ tall and carried herself very well like she walking on a red carpet. She walked slowly and never looked around at the other people walking to and fro in the mall. She was with a man who may or may not be her boyfriend. And what was also notable is that there was NO clinging. She was not holding onto him, nor was he holding onto her. There were what Zan Perrion and others have called, together apart. And Khalil Gibran in The Prophet, said there should be spaces in your togetherness.
Anyway I was having a lively chat with another gentleman also waiting in line to be seated at Mugg & Bean. There is a huge amount of social proof to be obtained being seen with a woman like this. And in fact that would be one of the conscious or unconscious reasons for the man to be with her. I know there is some research about this somewhere but for now I’ll express only my opinion: Men feel better about themselves when they are seen with an attractive woman than with an unattractive woman. And they do not even have to be in a relationship with her to feel this way. This is why men buy a women a gifts or take them for dinner, whether is getting any or not. The psychology is that you first hope for the opportunity to be seen with her, to experience her presence, and in a perverted way to receive her approval. And when you notice the other men looking at her it boosts your ego. When you notice the other women looking at her and then you, maybe you feel you’re on the right track
You may agree with me the typical woman in a mall does not come across as classy or even sophisticated. Some women may be cute, some even beautiful but not necessarily classy. And the simple reason is the loss of elegance or feminine beauty over the last century with the rise of unisex clothes and the feminist rebellion. A century ago people placed great value in etiquette or how you conduct yourself, especially in public. You only have to watch any Jane Austin movie adaptation or even the average Bollywood woman. The women in these films have a sense of class, which has been taught, sometimes at great pains by their parents, teachers or mentors. They understood the power of influence, and the idea that you can lead a man just by using subtext in your communication. This is an extremely sophisticated idea for men because you tend to be much more direct with your communication. And the subtlety with which women have evolved is an adaptation of the trials and tribulations they have faced over the last 2000 years. A great modern example of this would be any Audrey Hepburn movie as well. She never used force.
Anyway I believe women can convey class through the following means:
Developing a very strong self esteem (bordering on arrogance).
Learning how to say no in a tactful way (letting the guy off easy to come back to for more).
Communicating more with gestures, body language and tone rather than words.
Specific ways of touching yourself, like flicking your hair back often, touching or licking your lips.
Wearing clothes that accentuate your female body, especially the hip to waste ratio.
Slow and soft talking when alone or in public because you want the guy to lean in to hear what you have to say.
Immaculate lipstick, make-up and hair, long hair (your own but if not some extensions like Joelle Kayembe wears – all the time).
This is really just my initial thoughts on this idea because I was so awe struck by this particular specimen of the opposite sex. As women have embraced unisex clothing, they have done themselves a disservice when it comes to sexual polarity. Whenever a women can play up her feminine wiles she can create a win-win situation. When she forgets the beauty that comes her feminine being she can never be a a class act.
This is a great little practical tip from Brent Smith, an American dating coach on what frame of mine you should have when you’re out socialising and meeting new people. It can be overwhelming if you are brand new to taking charge of your dating life but give it a try anyway. Imagine how easy it is when you’re the owner of a club or bar, to meet people. You’re always checking how people are doing, what they need and you also do a lot of introductions. I have found introducing people even in business networking can be a vital link to establishing credibility and making people feel at easy. Remember most people are anxious in social settings so you are not alone in journey to expand and enhance your social life.
The Secret has caused a stir worldwide, especially after the book was published. Some people love it and some may hate it but I does get people thinking differently. Maybe it is to simplistic and maybe its just the way it was always meant to to be. Both Larry King and Oprah has interviewed the teachers from The Secret and this helped create a tipping point in the mainstream media.
I bought the Secret DVD directly from their website soon after I first discovered it in 2006. Shortly after that I attended a talk by Dr John Demartini at Michael Mount Waldorf School and immediately signed up for his Breakthrough Experience seminar. In South Africa the Secret DVD retails for about R400 which is about 50% more than you pay when you order it online. I do not recommend the book because its simply a transcription of the DVD. You can gain much more from viewing the DVD than reading the book.
As one of the most underrated actors of his generation Robert Downey Jr was never perceived as an action hero before the first Iron Man movie. Who knows what will happen to him now that he’s launched yet another super hero franchise and in the same breath forged a new angle for his career. Marvel keeps churning them out and the Stan Lee / Hugh Hefner cameo was a classic touch for those comic book insiders like myself. Stan Lee as the creator of the most famous Marvel comic characters like Spiderman.
As Tom Leykis would put it, Robert Downey Jr has brass balls indeed. Even though towards to the end of the movie he develops a conscious like most superhero’s are supposed to have one. The playboy stereotype is played up, almost to much, as his character seduces a female journalist early on in the film. You’re soon introduced to his trusty personal assistant, played by Gwyneth Paltrow. What is clear is that Tony Stark aka Iron Man’s true identity, is a genius inventor, followed through on capitalising on his abilities and uses it mostly to purchase sport cars and bed hot babes.
His car of choice is such a blatant product placement for the new Audi R8. Being an past owner of an Audi A3 I didn’t mind very much. What makes him such a ladies man besides his money? Well it has to be his status, his public image, because he seems to have it all. After the BMW product placement in the James Bond films this is no surprise.
The rest of the film is really a nice modern day set-up for a back-stabbing rivalry between supposed mentor, and protégé. One of my favourite actors of all-time, Jeff Bridges, plays the unusual role of bad guy in this one. However, Terrence Howard, plays a real pussy i.e. not a very masculine military man. Without going into the details I’ll summarise the film like this: it’s a wet dream for most men or more specifically the boys stuck in adult bodies because of the robotics, the gadgets, the fast cars, and maybe the one hot chick early on in the film, who makes a silly comeback in the middle and toward the end.
This whole movie made me remember something Tom Leykis said once, which is that no boy grows up dreaming of driving a Toyota (or a VW). Most men grow up dreaming of a Porsche, a Ferrari or better yet a Lamborghini. This is my personal favourite because of the sexy doors that flip upward. What really sucks for me now is knowing Volkswagen owns the brand. Anyway back to the Leykis analogy with cars. No guy grows up dreaming of marrying an average girl, an average woman. Guys have wet dreams about women like Jessica Alba, Jessica Biel, Hayden Panettiere, or Elisha Cuthbert. You have to ask yourself how can you develop the attitude of Tony Stark without having to be a genius inventor or a billionaire. That should be the key takeaway from the Iron Man movie because it’s way to much effort to go through all of that shit just to “get the babe” in the end. Anyway here’s the trailer for the new Iron Man movie
Since I have stopped smoking it has become increasingly difficult for me to find women who smoke to be attractive. It turns me off like never before and maybe you know what I am talking about. In fact I have one friend who’s a such a stickler against smoking he beliefs it’s a character flaw and a weakness in personality. And recently I have come to buy into this idea as well. Since smoking is normally a habit, that means it’s a choice that was made at some point in your life. And in the same fashion you can choose to stop.
So let me put my cards on the table. The woman I am currently dating does smoke. So I am firm with her in that I refuse to kiss her after smoking. And recently I sent her back to the bathroom to brush her teeth because she was smoking just before bed time. On a subtle level I often ask her to try her best not to smoke for a day or two so we can hang out and have fun together. And often this has worked well for her because she gets to exercise her willpower. It’s the desire to stop smoking which in her case is not great enough. And if you want to stop maybe you need to evaluate how strong your willpower is and how great your desire to stop is.
There are some addictions that are so common you may believe they are normal like drinking coffee or for some people smoking a cigarette. I was probably 12 years old when I tried my hand at smoking one of my mother’s cigarettes. She’s since quit about 20 years ago before my sister was born. And it’s so funny after all these years of divorce my ddd still smokes the same brand, which shows they had at least this one thing in common. I ended up developing this habit early on in my teenage years, reaching it’s peak during my high school and university years. This was likely the age which was most impressionable. There was a sense at the time that smoking was cool, fun and the in-thing to do. There was also the drama of hiding or doing things behind your parents backs and even the thrill of being caught every once in a while.
When you meet a woman for the first time it’s very important you make it clear to her that you are NOT like all the other guys. More specifically you want her to know you are a man and not a wussy. It still surprises me how androgynous most men behave towards women they meet. Think about the last time you were at a bar or house party. Consider how you were introduced to a woman and you automatically stuck out your hand to shake hands like you in a business context.
Now there is nothing wrong with shaking hands per se but every other guy in the room has greeted this woman in the same manner. Instead think about how she greets her girlfriends…there is touching, kissing and a lot of physical contact. There is an instantaneous bond formed when you’re able to have some kino early on. Again think about how you strike up a posture, stick out your hand for the traditional handshake. I have even met guys who shake the hands of women like the would another guy i.e. they use a lot of force and pressure. Why men would go this far could have multiple explanations. However, my gut feeling is they are completely unconscious about their actions.
So what does it mean when you just do a normal handshake with a woman you’ve just met? Well it could mean that you are intimidated by her, you are unconscious about your behaviour and you are not sexually attracted to her or a host of other reasons. The short answer with body language is that it’s much more important to send the right signals instead of trying to read her signals.
Hug the woman instead of greeting her: When she is introduced to you by someone else, just look at her hand and say something like, “I don’t shake hands with women…” and proceed to open you arms. Allow her to move forward to hug you because if you move forward she may step back, which would put a damper on things for you.
Twirl her around: Imagine you’re doing a basic salsa move with her. Take her right hand with your left hand and proceed to turn her clock wise. This is a super sexy move because she will not see this coming and the spontaneous nature of this move will send all the right signals.
Kiss her on both cheeks: Maybe you have seen how girlfriends sometimes greet each other by kissing both cheeks. What I mean here is kissing her in this way to move directly into the comfort phase. Before you kiss her you should place your hands on both her shoulders.
Hi Ramon, my girlfriend of 1 and half years recently broke up with me. We lived together and she decided that she wanted to move out because she didn’t feel the same way about me as she did before. I feel as though my life has ended. I really love this woman and would do anything to have her back. She has moved into her own place and seems very happy. It kills me just thinking that she is going to be with some other guy one of these days. Do you think it is possible to get this woman back?
My first response…
Yes, it’s possible. And NO its a bad idea. You have what they call one-itis in the seduction community. You have vested WAY too much on this one woman and you feel like you do not have any other options. Before I say more about this, tell me in what area of your life are you successful, growing, focussed, energised right now?
This must be one of the most amazing stories someone has lived to tell. The experience described by Dr Jill Bolte Taylor is doing the rounds on the Web because of how powerfully she delivered her story at the TED 2008 Conference. This was a facinating talk because its really a east meets west or in her words left meets right brain talk. This is the kind of story I would hope that makes you think about your own life and your perceptions or interaction with the world. How much are you feeling or how much are you experiencing? In most cases a fraction of what’s possible. The more you life in your head, and not in your, the more you cut yourself off from the universal intelligence as Napoleon Hill called it, or the Grand Organised Designer (or Design) as Dr John Demartini calls it.
Anyway here’s one of the best from TED 2008 so you can decide for yourself:
I have never been married so this post is completely biased. However, I’ve been to many weddings like most people have in their lifetimes. And in 3 cases I have been best man, twice to cousins and once to a best friend from school. I’m not sure if they were engaged but I assume they were because it’s such an excepted part of the wedding rituals. Anyway I received the following email from an American lady…
I have never done this before…messaging someone I don’t know at all, but I have a question to ask you and I would be most obliged and appreciative if you could give me an answer. I am from the United States and my boyfriend is from South Africa, and he’s lived here for about 4 years now. My boyfriend and I are planning on getting married in 2 to 3 1/2 years. He says that in South Africa (he’s from JoBurg), you only get engaged 6 months to a year before getting married… that they don’t do it like they do here (in America). I just wanted to know if this was true or if this is something that’s been fed to him in order to postpone getting engaged. I thank you for your time and would truly appreciate a reply.
There are some addictions that are so common you may believe they are normal like 
